


(not) too late to articulate it

by mildlydiscouraging



Series: ephemera on my back [2]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Anger Management, Attempted Arson as a Coping Mechanism, Casual Magic, Cathartic Baking, Gen, Pre-The Suffering Game, Taako and Angus Learn To Deal With Emotions Together Part 2, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 19:00:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11629866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mildlydiscouraging/pseuds/mildlydiscouraging
Summary: But if we learn how to live like thisMaybe we can learn how to start againLike a child who's never done wrongWho hasn't taken that first stepAngus lashes out. Taako tries to make reparations, to both of them. I write more fic about these two coming to terms with emotions set to indie music.





	(not) too late to articulate it

Taako has only been to the boy wonder's quarters a handful of times, mostly when Angus was uncharacteristically late to their lessons. Two of the times Taako had wound his way through to the top of one of the apartment buildings to find Angus absolutely surrounded by books and excitedly taking notes in one of half a dozen notepads in front of him.

The other time had been much the same scene—teetering stacks of volumes and scrolls covering the floor in front of the precisely cared for bed and desk—only with the addition of a sleeping Angus, lying on his stomach on the hardwood with his head pillowed in his arms on a particularly large book of maps. Thankfully Angus had no roommates to speak of, so there were no witnesses as Taako gently picked up the boy and put him in bed, smoothing back into place the hair on his forehead and kissing the imprint of the curls.

Just in case, though, Taako had made sure to tease him for it the next day. As Angus himself was always pointing out, you never know who's watching.

With Angus it's really a make or break kind of thing—if he isn't there five minutes before they agreed to meet, he's deep in some nerdy shit—so Taako only waits a little bit before heading up to Angus's room. He passes a few people in the hallway, strangers that he doesn't even recognize that are either weirded out or intimidated enough to not talk to him. Nice. His resolution to learn as few people's names as possible was coming along nicely.

"Hey, Dangus." Taako's knock on the door (magicked, he just did his nails) garnered no response in so many words, just a muffled yell and the sound of a few somethings hitting the ground. Raising an eyebrow, Taako almost starts contemplating his options before his curiosity gets the best of him and he casts Knock on the door.

"Angus?"

The room is in disarray, one of the book stacks in the middle of the room knocked over, the bed messy and blanketed in crumpled paper. Angus stands in front of the toppled tower huffing and puffing, though the brand new scuffs on his right shoe indicate he kicked rather than blew the stack down.

"Alrighty..." Taako closes the door behind him and walks into the room with his hands up. "What's up, little man?"

"Don't call me that," Angus snaps. He still hasn't looked up from the books scattered across the floor and now that he's closer Taako's perception roll is high enough that he can see his little fists are shaking.

"Okay."

When Angus doesn't say anything, Taako waves at the bed. "Mind if I sit, or...?"

"I'm not a baby," Angus says out of nowhere. He looks up only to glare at Taako and folds his arms, hands still clenched.

"Never said you were," Taako says. He doesn't sit on the bed, just on the trunk at the foot of it. There are a few balled up papers next to him and he unfolds one. On it is a drawing of the voidfish and some words Taako can't make out. "What's up with the debris?"

Angus stomps forward and takes the page. He re-crumples it and, gathering more paper as he goes, crosses the room.

"Just a stupid project that's never going to _happen_ because no one ever _listens to me_ ," he says as he tries to stuff it in the trash bin by his desk. The bin is already full, though, so he has to stomp on the paper in it to fit the rest of the destroyed notes.

Then Angus pulls out a box of matches.

"Whoa there," Taako says, lurching up and over to Angus. He takes the matches and holds them up just high enough that Angus can't reach. "Let's not burn down the whole moon, huh bubbeleh?"

This endless cycle of Taako saying something and Angus just pouting off into the other direction was starting to get on Taako's nerves, so instead of letting it continue he just says, "Alright," and walks back over to where he was sitting.

He pushes his foot forward over the fallen books, the heel of his boot picking them up and slowing pushing most of the stack back upright. As he ducks to pick up a few stragglers, he asks, "You gonna help or what?"

Even as his eyebrows slide down the expression gradient from angry-furrowed to wary-furrowed, Angus still doesn't say anything, just impassively watches Taako kick paper out of the way and rebuild his little book fort. Taako lets him—honestly, most of the time the kid is easier to read than any book, and it's refreshing to not see every thought cross his face. Definitely not unsettling, nope.

When the room is orderly again (Taako orderly, mind you, and probably not up to Angus's standards not matter how silent he stays), Taako sets himself down in the middle of the books where Angus usually studies. Angus is still glaring at him silently, but sits down when Taako pats the space on the floor facing himself. Score one for Taako.

When Angus is sitting still and stops straightening the books at eye level, Taako asks, "What's going on with you?"

"I'm not—" Angus sighs and glares at his usually pristine shoes. "Nothing's going on."

"You almost just became a junior arsonist, kiddo, I'm pretty sure something's up."

"An arsonist."

"What?"

"If I set anything on fire I'd just be an _arsonist_ , no qualifier."

Taako pauses. " _Are_ you going to set anything on fire?"

Angus sighs again, more resigned than angry, and says, " _No_."

"Well that's good," Taako muses. "Why the urge though?"

When Angus still doesn't answer, Taako nudges him with the tip of his boot. The boy straightens his glasses and slouches more, speaking directly to the floor between their knees with a quiet anger as he says, "Because maybe then everyone would take me seriously."

Taako doesn't really know what to say. He's never been too good about other people opening up to him, finding it almost as uncomfortable and impossible as opening up himself, but he's not an idiot; he can tell this moment is important. He _really_ doesn't want to fuck it up. He knows what it looks like when that happens, and for all he pretends not to care, he doesn't want to put Angus through that.

"You're plenty serious," Taako says, as unflippant as he is capable of being. "Everyone up here respects the hell out of you and that big brain of yours." He reaches over and pokes Angus gently in the middle of the forehead and swears he sees the kid smile for half a second. It's bolstering progress.

"They don't really though." Angus looks up and there's anger in his eyes but a little sadness and desperation too. "I'm a good detective, and everyone knows, but they still don't respect me. They coddle me and humor me but don't really listen, and the Director is always checking that I have breakfast, and Avi won't let me go down to the surface without a _permission slip_ , and you and Magnus and Merle are always teasing me. I'm just a helpless little kid to you guys."

"Well..." Taako chooses his next words very carefully. "You _are_ a little kid."

Not carefully enough, though, it seems. Angus looks just about ready to deck him, to the point where Taako actually feels a little thrown off. He's not a stranger to having the occasional (or not-so-occasional) bout of murderous rage directed at him, but this is different. The kid acts tough and fearless, and he _is_ , barring the occasional panic, in the face of monsters and mysteries and shit, but now there's a concentrated fury in his glare that Taako can feel like a hand on his chest pushing him back.

"Not in a bad way," he rushes to qualify. "You're the smartest kid on the planet, dude, either of them. You run circles around most of the adults here, including me. But you're still eleven, or however old you are. I mean, the Bureau's existed almost as long as you have. You're not supposed to know everything or have to take care of yourself or any of that bullshit. People just wanna protect you, that's all."

"I don't need people to protect me! I know how to take care of myself, I know how to do everything I need to do. I don't need people babying me all the time just because I've had a few less birthdays than them."

Throughout his speech Taako can't help himself glancing down as Angus's hands, which are still in fists on his knees. When they start to curl up even tighter into themselves, Taako takes them and unfolds his fingers one by one. There are tiny dashes in his palms, not deep enough to break the skin but still a noticeable drone of Morse across his tiny hands. Something about it reminds Taako viscerally of himself, in some time he can't remember that affects him regardless, but he pushes it aside and refolds Angus's hands over his own.

"I know, kiddo," he says. Angus bristles at the name but is still too curious about Taako's uncharacteristically soft demeanor (and seemingly too tired) to say anything. "You're a much better adult than me, that's for sure. Hell, you probably brush your teeth every night and do your own taxes."

Sometime during their conversation the tears that had been slowly building up in the corners of Angus's eyes had started to escape and Angus drops one hand to wipe them away. During this moment Taako can tell the frustration has started to leak out of him and allows himself to sit up a little less straighter.

"Well, I'm still eleven, sir," Angus says. "I can't pay taxes." He pauses. "Wait, are you saying you don't brush your—?"

"What I'm getting at," Taako cuts him off, "is that even though you look like a little twerp, people should see that you're actually pretty fucking competent." After a second of consideration, he reluctantly continues, "And I'm sorry if I ever made you think otherwise."

Angus deflates like someone popped a balloon inside him, his eyes closing slowly and his shoulders turning down. For a second Taako is afraid he's gonna start crying, but he just lets go of Taako's hands and flexes his fingers.

"Thank you," Angus says very small as he wrings his hands together shyly.

"C'mon."

Taako half-smiles and unfolds his legs, taking up practically all the space left in their little cove and forcing Angus to stand up. He waves around a hand in Angus's direction until he takes it and helps Taako up. It isn't that much help, really, but it does give Taako a chance to sneakily make sure the kid doesn't start clenching his fists again before he can enact the second phase of his plan.

Standing head and shoulders above the stacks the air feels so much emptier, not at all the like the stale bubble still crowded with emotion. Angus looks up at Taako confused, but the wizard doesn't say anything as he steps over the books and out of the room.

"You like raisins, kiddo?" Taako asks once Angus catches up with him in the hallway.

"Not particularly, no, sir."

"Good man."

Taako presses the button on the elevator with the tip of his umbrella and twirls it around aimlessly as they wait. "I figure we'll do regular cookies this time, since the whole macaroons thing kinda..."

"Yeah."

They get into the elevator, Angus diligently pressing the button for the ground floor as Taako slouches into the corner. Angus doesn't seem all too interested in talking, which is just fine by Taako, and the two are silent the entire walk to the kitchen.

When Taako swings open the big double doors, there's only one person in the room, a half-orc washing dishes who rolls their eyes for a moment before turning back to their work.

Taako points wordlessly at a clear spot on the counter and Angus hops up, his little oxfords brushing the top of the the box peaking out underneath. Angus leans back a little to pull out the mixer and plug it in as Taako rifles through the pantry wall.

"Not a chance, short stack." Taako drops a bag of sugar in Angus's lap, placing a heavy ceramic bowl next to him on the counter. He continues on his sweep across the kitchen and pulls the mixer with him, stuffing it into the bottom of the big industrial refrigerator as he pulls out eggs and butter.

Ignoring the dishwasher's indignant "Oh come on!" as they fish the mixer out of a crate of cheese, Taako tosses Angus the butter and gets started on the eggs.

The stick hits Angus in the chest and bounces off into the bowl in his lap. "Sir?"

Taako looks up from his egg cracking for a second to wave at Angus, saying, "Cream."

Angus picks up the butter and feels it soften in his hands as Taako continues to crack egg after perfect egg that slides smoothly into his bowl.

"But how much...?"

Sighing, Taako scoops up more sugar than should hypothetically fit in one cup, dumps it out, snatches the butter out of Angus's hands, and, in one smooth motion, flicks it out of the wrapper and into the sugar.

" _Cream_."

Taako watches out of the corner of his eye as Angus takes the wooden spoon Taako is pointing at him with and starts to mix the ingredients, gingerly and precisely. It takes some more self-control to not sigh again, and Taako can feel himself running out of _that_ particular resource pretty quickly, so he grabs the spoon, his hand covering Angus's, and stabs the mixture a few times before the kid takes the hint.

"You've sure got some pent-up aggressions under that pristine 'boy wonder' facade," Taako says as Angus hacks away at the mixture. When Angus stops to look up at him warily, Taako reaches over and digs out a clump of sugary butter with two fingers. "Never said it was a bad thing, homie."

Angus keeps staring at him, but when Taako raises his eyebrows at the bowl he eats a little bit off the end of the spoon. "We can't eat too much of it, though," Angus says. "Or else there won't be enough for the cookies."

Taako shrugs and eats more of the butter. "We can always make more. I'm sure you've got enough demons in you to get through a second batch."

He waits until Angus smiles before going to get another stick of butter. They've got cookies to make.

**Author's Note:**

> i mean, i think we all know by now that taako is nowhere near as uncaring as pretends or seems to be, but that's the one i see most in fic and also i'm projecting like mad over here lmao. however, this was definitely NOT written as an excuse to eat butter and sugar. DEFINITELY NOT. do not listen to anyone who may say otherwise.
> 
> in complete contrast to how i picture the rest of the moon (all-white 60s mod, sort of a jetsons thing) angus's room is pretty much 100% lucien's room in kill your darlings (the window is higher off the floor so my boy can have a real bed cuz he deserves it), aka where i want to live forever and ever until i retire to a decommissioned lighthouse in ireland
> 
> pls don't call me out but title and description from "[drunk drivers/killer whales](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccztRby3FAk)" by car seat headrest. sorry will. also sorry to everyone else because i guess i've accidentally started this series of "angus and taako learn how to deal with different emotions together"
> 
> eta 31/7: while going through my saved fic archive looking for recs for a friend, i found a fic i read in march, "[these things cannot be helped](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10452117)" that definitely influenced this fic heavily. if you're looking for more like this, please check it out! it's just absolutely amazing.
> 
> tumblr @[moonfullofstars](http://moonfullofstars.tumblr.com)


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